Getting Resting Right…and going to Disneyland at 40
This last fall I had the privilege to be able to take a couple of trips for some rest and renewal. One was to Holland, MI - a “mini-sabbatical” to let me self rest and my mind and soul rest and be cared for. The other was a belated celebration trip of turning 40 last year, which involved me heading to Disneyland with my good friend. One of many good things that came out of those experiences was this - there is a part of me that wants to get everything right - EVEN RESTING AND PLAY!
As I entered into the week in Michigan, I became aware of how many expectations came up for me about what I “should” be doing with my down time. Shouldn’t I be reading some deep work of some theology or therapy? Shouldn’t I be reflecting on the shore of lake Michigan, coming up with deep and pithy thoughts to journal? I quickly became aware how many unrealized expectations where following me around this week dedicated to my own rest and renewal. Rooted deep in my story where many experiences where to just rest = being “lazy”, or where being allowed to like, enjoy, and unabashedly celebrate things I liked ended up in judgement or dismissal. These roots were taking something intended to be good, and choking the life out of it…and me.
Giving myself permission to check in with my body, my heart, and the little boy inside was foreign and different compared to the louder and familiar voices that told me I better “get something good” out of this time away. d
Similarly, I felt some lingering feelings of going to Disneyland at 40, the “shoulds” piled up high again around how I should be spending my time and resources to celebrate.
Here’s what I learned as I leaned into enjoying and resting in those experieneces.
Internal pressure to be something moves me away from being present to myself and others, (and actually robs me of the joy, fun, and connection i’m looking for)
Having to get rest right is not very restful
Disneyland is many things, but for me it was a chance to let the little boy inside me play, and JUST enjoy.
As I reflect back on the experiences, what I’m carrying with me is refreshed reminder of what it feels like in my head and body to LET GO and enjoy. The beautiful things is I’m slowly discovering that it doesn’t take a sabbatical or a trip to the most magical place on earth to do that. While there is something to being able to take intentional time apart for good and special seasons, I’m learning I don’t have to wait to do that. And neither do you.
May you find some places of play, rest and freedom this year.