How you tell your story matters… Part 2
Welcome back to part 2 of “How you tell your story matters”, if you want to check out part one, you can do that here.
In the first part, we looked at common ways we can sell our story short, by not engaging it fully and honestly. In this section we are going to look at how we interpret our story, or in other words - what kind of story are we in?
In the movie “Stranger Than Fiction”, the main character Harold Crick (played by Will Ferrell) starts hearing a voice narrating his every day actions. Confused and alarmed, Harold seeks the advice experts in medicine, psychology, gurus, etc. with no help. As the voice continues to narrate his life, Harold desperately meets with a local literary professor for an opinion (of course as a narrative therapist, I love that Harold gets more help from a lit professor than the conventional psychologist). After listening to Harold’s woe, the Professor (played by Dustin Hoffman) declares that it sounds if indeed his life being narrated that he needs to simply figure out if the story is a comedy or a tragedy. Harold is unfamiliar with categories of literature, so the prof begins to explain and try and discern what kind of story Harold is in. The main and grave difference for Harold discovers is that comedies turn out with a happy ending, while tragedies end with well…tragedy (think death, suffering, loss, etc.) To find out what happens to Harold..you should go watch the movie…
The film brings a great question to us - kind of story do we believe we are in? If you have lived enough life, or have begun to have an honest examination of your life, you have to come to the sad and sucky truth - Life is hard. Life is full of suffering. So it could be very easy to believe that our lives are setup to be a tragedy. This is the “life sucks and then you die” type of conclusion, and if we avoid that “sugar coating and shallow” approaches named earlier, this can feel like it’s our only option left. Thank God it’s not our only choice.
I’m gonna be smart and avoid saying I have a nice clean answer for human suffering and God’s will, power, and sovereignty in this post (bigger brains have thought, questioned, and argued about that for a long time) but I do want to offer a couple of ideas that have helped me when it comes to making sense of suffering in our lives.
Zoom out (perspective)
“Zooming Out” is taking a moment to look at the bigger picture of our story. Getting perspective in the midst of suffering can be hard, but there are moments that can help us continue to move forward. If you’ve ever been on a hike, you’ve experienced this - a turn around a corner and you have a moment were you can look back and see how far you’ve come, or a view of the peak ahead gives you inspiration for the views that wait for you. We see the Psalmist do this often - taking a moment to be grateful for moments in there life where they have seen God’s goodness, presence and care. Sometimes we can reflect on our own and be reminded BUT I do want to underscore how important the perspective and support of others in our life can be in resetting our own perspective. Often in my own life I NEED someone else to point out where they see God at work and where they see my own goodness, resilience, courage, etc. ‘Cuz often I can’t see it. Now, let me be clear - “zoom out” is not to be confused with a less helpful and more dismissive approach of “it’ll all just be ok, and God is good and just don’t worry”. That is a more avoidant and toxically positive approach that often can leave us even more “stuck” in our story. What “zoom out” IS is a connection to understanding a bit of where we are at in our story, and it is risky trust (aka faith) that we are in a GOOD story. By GOOD story I mean one that is ultimately GOOD in the end, even if elements of it are hard to understand, make sense of, or even impossible to see how GOOD can come out of. A healthy zooming out can help us keep going. If you’ve ever kept watching a movie, even if a scary, or sad, or intense scene took place, then you know a piece of this. You keep watching because you know there’s more to come, and (for most films) a good out come. Samwise has a memorable moment where he realizes this in LOTR. We all need a little Sam in our lives to help us see. A friend or good therapist can often walk beside us in that way. Which brings us to the second helpful perspective in looking at our story.
Zooming in (Presence)
If life was only “well it all works out in the end” we may be able to continue on, but it’d be a pretty bleak endeavor. Thankfully, one of the most important truths of who God is counterbalances perspective. God didn’t just write the Story with a good ending in mind. He chose to enter the story. He chose to get into the suffering, the muck, and the suck with us. The prophet Isaiah foretold that the Messiah would be a “man of sorrows” and a one “acquainted with grief”. Look at Christ life in the gospel accounts and your see the heart of God for us. He engages and is with us in being human and with us when it’s hard. One of the most important things I need in making sense of the suffering in my life, is to not try and work through it alone. Jesus knew this - look at one of his final teachings in John 16 He tells us “look, it’s going to suck, it’s going to be hard, I know, and i’m sending Help! (the very Spirit of God)”
God isn’t indifferent to our suffering, he wants to be with us in it.
So engaging and wrestling with the hard and tough parts of our lives involve us figuring out what we will do with the suffering we encounter in our lives. Harold Crick, Frodo and Sam, and each of us eventually have to be honest with ourselves and our story, BUT in the worlds of Fredrick Buechner -
““The sad things that happened long ago will always remain part of who we are just as the glad and gracious things will too, but instead of being a burden of guilt, recrimination and regret that make us constantly stumble as we go, even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead””
May you engage your story with courageous honesty and radical kindness.
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